Why Don’t They Tell Me?!?

I just got back from work, went upstairs to get changed and looked in the bathroom mirror. Horror! My mascara was nicely smudged under the eye.

I don’t know for how long that has been. Probably since my last two clients, one of them a two hours respite, the other one hour. After that I stopped at the patrol station and also went into Tesco. So everyone literally got a good eye full.

What the actual f**k?!

Does nowadays no-one has the decency to tell when you look like 5 rounds of boxing???

Not impressed, my friends, so not impressed!

Until the next time…

PayPal Button

I most recently discovered the payment button you can ad to your WordPress blog.

Read and done. Only thing is, how does it work, I wonder? Usually when you send/donate money one would need the PayPal address/email address of the recipient, but when I added the PayPal button, nothing was asked of me.

So just incase it does work and someone wants to send me money for no reason but because one can, it would be highly appreciated!

After all a girl’s Wishlist is endless!

Like:

  • Citizenship
  • Possibly fertility treatment (still no bun, probably just PMS at the moment)
  • Buying a house (yes, I think big here)
  • Lots of things that are not important like the latest Brora fashion (this girl just can’t say “no” to cashmere) or the latest Korean skincare….

And if you can’t/won’t, that’s fine, too. I appreciate you reading my blog!

Until the next time…

Am I The Asshole???

So to keep a long story short, I just say it as it is:

My fiancé wanted me to finance him a motorbike, I said “no”!

Which caused a huge argument. One didn’t talk to the other for some hours.

My reason for not wanting to do that was/is quite easy:

I didn’t want us to drown in debt! I still have a big chunk of my credit card to pay back, future husband has to pay things back and I thought we have other priorities anyway like

getting married, having children, moving house, maybe even buying a house once our financial situation has gotten better.

Future husband of course said, I wouldn’t trust him, said at least he knows where he stands with me… well to put it this way:

He acted like a little child who received the answer “no”. He said, if it was the other way around, he wouldn’t have hesitated. The thing is, I wouldn’t even think to put him in such a situation unless he/we would financially well off. Yes, he would be able to pay the monthly rates, but what if something happens, like him getting injured again, things that would prevent him paying? I can’t pay for him even if I wanted to.

To the guys who might read this:

Why is a motorbike so much more important than the things I thought we both wanted??? I thought children and marriage followed by moving house (I still hate it here) was what was important! A motorbike is not a necessity! Like my citizenship which I want so bad. I know I can’t afford it right now (fees are £1400,- +/-) so I have to wait. Easy, right?!

However, eventually I did try to get a loan from my bank. Not because I wanted to, but because I felt pressured to do so. But with my meager wage and that huge credit card bill, of course I was rejected and to be honest, I am glad. I already have tears in my eyes, every time I see my account anyway…

Well guess I can write off the the future plans we had and just keep living trying to make it from one day to the next…

Until next the time

Me, The Green-Eyed Monster (ask for password)

In more than one situation I found myself as the green-eyed monster. I find that awful but can’t help it.

Every now and again, future husband jokes about things. Things I can’t find funny at all and every time I have to swallow my jealousy! But deep inside I am as green as a cucumber.

For example we where talking about situations when a man/woman ogles someone else in their partners present. And instead of either ignoring my comment or saying that , yes, that is not appropriate, he laughed and said:

“Don’t worry darling, I only do that when you are not there”.

Or little things that annoy me like when the radio is on and there is a female singer and he says:

“Ooooh I like a little bit of XY”.

I know it is silly but at those moments I feel very little, inadequate and not good enough! And I want to knock other women teeth out when they smile a bit too much at my men. Oooh that would really satisfy in those moments. But of course it would take a lot more to loose my shit.

It might just be him making fun or it could be that I am really not enough for him.

I should know, I am the Queen of Flirting!

I did it my whole life but put a stop to it now, because it caused me nothing but trouble in the past.

Now it feels like karma finally bites me in the ass and I don’t like it one bit.

Keep breathing, keep breathing…

Until the next time

Another House, Another Ghost (ask for password)

Two days ago, future husband was in the bathroom and heard a sound coming from our bedroom. A sound you would make when you are dreaming. Or maybe when you have a nightmare. He came in to check on me, but I didn’t say nor did I hear anything as I was half asleep.

Yesterday evening, again, I was half asleep, I woke up, thinking future husband is having a nightmare, so I said “…wake up…”. He looked at me with wide eyes, saying, it wasn’t him. Well it wasn’t me either. But we both heard it! And we both have been awake for quite some time after that, I can tell you!

The idea, that there is a ghost in the house who actually tries to communicate with us (whether it is meant to be nice or not), is a bit scary.

Sure, I had ghosts in houses before, like the little kid ghost who used to run back and forth upstairs, making us think it was my little son, but never anything so close and scary sounding.

I guess, there is not much we can do about it, but I will keep you posted.

Until the next time…

Arguing With Work About Christmas Holidays (ask for password)

So I am currently arguing with work about my holidays during Christmas. I have taken the week after the Christmas weekend off, including the following weekend aka New Years day!

Now my boss says, if I want New Years day off, I have to work on Christmas Day, as stated in my contract. The New Years weekend is my weekend with the children and working on Christmas when one has children is a big NO, NO!!!

So, I replied and explained the above and so far I did not receive an answer yet, but am sure something will come soon.

I mean, come on, it’s Christmas! I have Children! For being a care company, my company is not very compassionate!

I am so fed up with them, but have to stick around as like I said, I have children and employers (in the end) are all the same:

Work your hours or leave.

Big SIGH.

Until the next time…

The Missing Bun (ask for password)

The only time, women are happy to feel sick 24/7 is when they are pregnant!

Almost a year ago I had a very early miscarriage. I didn’t even know I was pregnant…

Forward to the year 2021:

A month ago I started to feel queasy all the time and was drinking so much water, I could have drunk it straight from the hose.

My due date for my period came and passed and I was so happy. All the symptoms where there…..

….until the morning I started to heavily bleed…..

And just like that it was over.

It wasn’t the end of the world as I know that is nature sorting things out, that what could have been a baby wasn’t healthy enough to live just yet.

But I was still sad. Sad because I knew what could have been and said because it took us so long to get to this point! Future husband was sad as well, of course he was.

Everyone who has been trying for some time knows where I am coming from.

Every month you hope it happened but no, shark week is on again. SIGH.

And the fact, that according to my age I only have a 5% chance to get pregnant every month, doesn’t help either.

I already consulted the doctors. The next step is the fertility clinic for check ups.

So fingers crossed, legs open and off to another few rounds of lots of fun.

Until the next time