Un-Pregnant Effing Valentine’s Day!!!

Today is Valentine’s Day. Did I enjoy it so far? Not really!

So far I left early to get the food shopping done before work, went to work, fortunately finished by just after 11am, went home, tidied up, did 3 rounds of washing, exercised, fixed holes on clothes and dog bed, picked up children from school, made tea…and the day is not over, yet.

Future husband (that’s if he still wants me) got me some lovely cashmere tops and a card, I in return got him a hoodie and no card as cards are not my thing. He is still out working (new job). I am still stuck with my job as a carer and am job hunting without success.

I still live in a house which I refer to as the “ice house” as it is really cold without radiators on, in an area I hate.

I wouldn’t mind all the above, if I was pregnant. That is the only thing I really desire!

We have been trying for over a year now. Every month I hope anew and every month shark week arrives once again. Twice I have been pregnant but miscarried in the first trimester. And when people say, you just have to relax, I want to rip their heads off! I am soon 43 years old. I don’t have time to relax as time is literally running out!

The other day I checked fertility treatments and since I am not eligible for NHS treatment (too old, already have children), the chances to pay for treatment myself is next zero. I can’t just pull out £5.000,- for IVF… IUI is “only” plus minus £1.000,-.

And wherever I go, whatever I watch, whatever I read in the news, everyone is pregnant. Or so it seems.

So yeah, here I am sitting in my living room, feeling all sorry for myself despite the fact I am not the only one going through things.

Until the next time…

Never-ending Story Of Punishment

So I recently had another round of my daughter and me arguing. Well, she argued with me. She is like a broken record. She keeps repeating herself, keeps bringing up all the things that hurt her in the past, keeps bringing up how I did not take her serious back then and so on and on and on.

She did say some very hurtful and disrespectful things…maybe that is her thinking “payback”?! Maybe it is her just lashing out. I couldn’t tell you.

The first few times I felt really bad and cried my eyes out. I apologised so many times, tried to make her understand that it was never my intention to hurt her. I tried to find out what I could do to make it better. I asked her what she wants me to do.

But I did not get anywhere, except from one thing:

I have enough! I apologised and I meant it and I will not have her walk over me over and over again. If she wants to be angry, than by all means. I will just let her be and if she is ready (one day), she knows how to find me.

And while I was at it and decided to not contact her any further, I also de-friended lots of my family members. I know, I know that sounds so childish and maybe it is. But I don’t want people on my social media to snoop around if I don’t have any contact with them so I did what many would have done.

I Am Grateful…

…for a lot of things but most of all for the people who walked with me for a while.

I am grateful for past best friends. We walked our separate ways at some point, but we did have a hell lot of fun!

I am grateful for my current best friends, even though they are oceans away and yet so close if we needs be!

I am grateful for the times my oldest daughter and me spend together before she got so angry with me, that she didn’t want me in her life anymore!

I am so so grateful for all the wise words, hugs and eternal love my grandma had for me, there isn’t a day I don’t think of her!

I am grateful for future husband as every time he hugs me it’s a reminder that he is home.

I am grateful for my children, they taught me to love.

And I am grateful for the ability to not take life too serious.

Until the next time…

Till Death Do Us Part?

Today I watched the latest episode of “And Just Like That” and Carry said something like “…technically I am not married anymore…my husband died…”

I was thinking about future husband. If he died before me, I would still believe and see myself as married to him. Which reminds me of something a client said to me a few days ago:

She said “…my husband died 18 years ago and there isn’t a day where I don’t think about him and I miss him every day…” She said “my husband” even though he died such a long time ago, she still sees herself as his wife. Not even death could part them.

Which is so bitter sweet. That is what I want for myself and this is what I would wish for everyone else on this planet.

Until the next time…

Serious Face Cleanser Problem

Do you think 13 (yes, I know there are 15 on the above pic, but two ended in the bin) face cleansers are too many?

I start to believe it is, someone should confiscate my bankcard, credit card and change my PayPal password!

It’s not even my fault. It’s the Korean online shops and their never ending offers fault!!! Yep.

BUT, I do love a good face cleanser and as you can see, I have a bit of an obsession.

So let me give you some insight and review for the ones I used so far.

My skin is sensitive and combination… so let’s start from top left to bottom right.

  1. 1. Zero cleansing balm, pure and original: They are both great. Gentle to skin, slight smell, leaves skin clean and not tight. Love it!
  2. 2. The Face Shop foaming rice cleanser: Smells lovely, cleans skin, but very harsh for sensitive skin, stings after a few seconds. Don’t love it!
  3. 3. Tosowoong enzyme powder: No smell, cleans skin squeaky clean, no tight feeling. Love it!
  4. 4. Kose cleansing oil: No smell, cleans everything off your skin, very gentle. Love it!
  5. 5. Neogen pore tightening mouse: Have not tried it, yet. Bought it because of the good reviews.
  6. 6. Isntree hyaluronic cleanser: Made me break out after only one use. Hate it! Went into the bin.
  7. 7. Glamfox Rosehip Oil cleanser: Very harsh, stung after a few seconds, left skin tight. Hate it! Went into the bin.
  8. 8. Klairs cleansing foam: Weird smell, something between citrus and chemical, but gentle to skin and cleans well. Like it!
  9. 9. Jolse Matcha cleansing foam: No smell, cleans well, skin not tight, but doesn’t do much else. Meh!
  10. 10. Whamisa foaming cleanser: Extreme smell of lavender, cleans well, but skin a bit tight. Wouldn’t buy it again! Meh!

The last 4 are HadaLabo oil cleanser, papaya enzyme cleanser, another oil and foam cleanser I haven’t tried yet.

There are so many products on the Korean market, you just have to try (most) of them to find your holy grail and even if and when you do, there will be another new one you can’t resist to buy!

Until the next time…

When Work Is An A-Hole!!!

Some of you might know that I am working in care. When I first started, I really enjoyed it. Now? Not so much!

Why? Oh I can tell you why:

Every few months employees get check-up phone calls from our office. They give us feedback and ask in return our point of view.

So I stated very clearly, that I don’t want to get sent to clients I can’t understand as this is really stressing me out and surely frustrating for clients as well.

So guess what??? I got sent to clients which are speech impaired.

They also admitted in a text message, that when I help them, they help me! How can they so freely admit, that they only help, if they want to?!

Last week I had to change my availability which means, I can’t work evenings anymore and have to finish at 4pm latest. I know when you work in care, one has to be flexible… But I have children in primary which I can’t leave alone.

However when I send my email, they did not even reply, instead drastically shortened my hours for the following week!

That is another thing:

When they are annoyed with you, they don’t answer your emails, instead they put whatever annoys them in our weekly newsletter (without shaming the actual person though)!

Then I got told, that one client has cancelled (that’s fine) and that I get send to client XY without even asking if that is ok (not fine) and when I ask, if they could check if they could forward the visit as between clients was a unpaid 1 1/2 hour gap, the short answer from whoever it was, was “Nope, sorry”. They could have forwarded it, as the client didn’t even expect me. The client thought, the visit was cancelled!

For everyone who considers a career in care, do your research! Carers are underpaid, gaps are also not paid unless you work directly for the council, you only get a low percentage of fuel back and you mostly work alone. I personally think, it is not worth it. If you just want some pocket money, perfect job. If you have to pay bills, run in the opposite direction!

I wished we would live in a world where childcare is free, bosses are understanding, working hours flexible and wages enough to make it through the month!

One can still dream, right???

So I am still on the look out for a new job, but Covid is also a a-hole, so not so easy at the moment.

Until the next time…

Korean Online Shops Reviews

When you get older and discover fine lines on your face, you want nothing but the best skincare, right?

Well with “best skincare” often comes a price. At least with western skincare products!

Also there are certain steps you should do when it comes to apply skincare. Until recently I was too lazy to do an at least 4 step skincare regime and I thought, surely a moisturiser should be enough?

My skin and me where always in disagreement. When I was a teenager, my skin was extremely oily and spotty due to unhealthy diet and undiagnosed gluten and lactose intolerance.

Now my skin is more of a combination skin and very sensitive.

So to keep a long story short, I have the all well known oily t-zone and dry cheeks. When I use a new product, it can happen that I break out due to my skin being very sensitive.

Which brings me to Korean skincare. In Korean skincare it’s mainly all about hydration and natural ingredients, but the best is the PRICE! But I get to that in another post.

Now here I want to review my personal experience on Korean online shops, so let’s start with:

1: Jolse

https://jolse.com/?cafe_mkt=google_en_kw&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIpJiq0qGE9QIVsYFQBh16jwACEAAYASAAEgLjuPD_BwE

Jolse is a Korean beauty website in the US if I am not mistaken. The website is easy to navigate, check-out smooth, great deals, especially the time deals and depending on how much you spend, free postage. Delivery time from the US to Scotland standard delivery took only one week! No extra costs AND, and that is the best bit: FREE SAMPLES! If you have sensitive skin like me, you want to try samples before you buy the actual product!

2: STYLEVANA https://www.stylevana.com/en_GB/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=9000571848&utm_term=91654135355&device=c&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI4v3q66SE9QIVwevtCh2hnAlEEAAYASAAEgKXsvD_BwE

STYLEVANA ships from Korea and it takes around 3 weeks to Scotland, insured shipping. But also offers express shipping.

Once you are a member and re-ordered, you get more discounts, points and credit for your next purchase.

I like to order from this side mainly because they sell shampoo, but they too, have great deals on other products.

Website, check-out is easy to navigate.

3: Puresoul https://pureseoul.co.uk/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIybSbr6aE9QIVRLDtCh0dEQ3JEAAYASAAEgKGC_D_BwE

Puresoul is a UK based Korean online shop. Prices are slightly higher, but therefor you get your order within a week. So if you don’t want to wait, and they sell the item you are looking for, I would recommend this side. They also offer some deals. Website and check-out easy to navigate, some samples as well.

4: Skinsider https://skinsider.co.uk

Is pretty much the same as Puresoul service wise.

5: YesStyle https://www.yesstyle.com/en/home.html?sscid=c1k5_t7d62&utm_source=shareasale&utm_medium=Affiliates&utm_term=2768696&aid=2768696

YesStyle is an online shop based in Korea who states when they would post your items (which is great!), they have good deals, a huge range of variety, website and check-out easy to navigate.

BUT:

I, personally will never order from this website again! Delivery took more than 5 weeks and that is after I contacted customer service 4 days after the initial postal day. Customer service said that I should wait a bit longer as they have to get the items to the main factory which is not acceptable as I already waited 3 weeks by then.

When my order eventually arrived, I received a cardigan which was much smaller than on the picture (but okay, Korean clothes usually come up smaller) and it didn’t have the pattern on I wanted! On the website, no matter which option I chose, it would always show the same picture so I thought, that’s what I would get. So that alone is very misleading, which I pointed out in another email, also asking if they would offer a return label which they denied! So I kept it as the return would have been almost as much as the cardigan itself.

Also despite my order was around £120,- I only received one sample!

So all in all with the long delivery time, wrong item, bad customer service and one tiny sample, I would not order from YesStyle again!

My go to websites are definitely Jolse because of quick delivery, samples and great deals, followed by STYLEVANA even though it takes 3 weeks for deliveries but not many samples, but great deals and discounts!

My Letter To You…

These are my words and thoughts to my oldest daughter who refuses to forgive me.

In her world, I must be the biggest monster walking this earth!

I believe she is hurting so much, that she tries to shut down her feelings to survive in this world.

I once belonged to her world… until I didn’t.

As a parent I should have taken my daughter’s concerns and anger and sadness serious but instead I brushed it off as teenage drama. I should have known better.

I apologised a million times…

And I meant it!

What my daughter doesn’t know is, that we are the exact same!

We are stubborn and we know what we want from life and we don’t lower our expectations ever. We would never settle for second best and we know how to survive in this world.

And to survive sometimes means to lock our feelings away so that nothing can touch us so we can’t fall apart!

Life is tough and seems unfair but there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

I know she will survive and I know I will survive.

I loved her from the first moment she took her first breath and will continue loving her until my last one…

And when she decides to forgive me, I will be there to catch her!

Why Don’t They Tell Me?!?

I just got back from work, went upstairs to get changed and looked in the bathroom mirror. Horror! My mascara was nicely smudged under the eye.

I don’t know for how long that has been. Probably since my last two clients, one of them a two hours respite, the other one hour. After that I stopped at the patrol station and also went into Tesco. So everyone literally got a good eye full.

What the actual f**k?!

Does nowadays no-one has the decency to tell when you look like 5 rounds of boxing???

Not impressed, my friends, so not impressed!

Until the next time…

PayPal Button

I most recently discovered the payment button you can ad to your WordPress blog.

Read and done. Only thing is, how does it work, I wonder? Usually when you send/donate money one would need the PayPal address/email address of the recipient, but when I added the PayPal button, nothing was asked of me.

So just incase it does work and someone wants to send me money for no reason but because one can, it would be highly appreciated!

After all a girl’s Wishlist is endless!

Like:

  • Citizenship
  • Possibly fertility treatment (still no bun, probably just PMS at the moment)
  • Buying a house (yes, I think big here)
  • Lots of things that are not important like the latest Brora fashion (this girl just can’t say “no” to cashmere) or the latest Korean skincare….

And if you can’t/won’t, that’s fine, too. I appreciate you reading my blog!

Until the next time…