Category: teenager

Never-ending Story Of Punishment

So I recently had another round of my daughter and me arguing. Well, she argued with me. She is like a broken record. She keeps repeating herself, keeps bringing up all the things that hurt her in the past, keeps bringing up how I did not take her serious back then and so on and on and on.

She did say some very hurtful and disrespectful things…maybe that is her thinking “payback”?! Maybe it is her just lashing out. I couldn’t tell you.

The first few times I felt really bad and cried my eyes out. I apologised so many times, tried to make her understand that it was never my intention to hurt her. I tried to find out what I could do to make it better. I asked her what she wants me to do.

But I did not get anywhere, except from one thing:

I have enough! I apologised and I meant it and I will not have her walk over me over and over again. If she wants to be angry, than by all means. I will just let her be and if she is ready (one day), she knows how to find me.

And while I was at it and decided to not contact her any further, I also de-friended lots of my family members. I know, I know that sounds so childish and maybe it is. But I don’t want people on my social media to snoop around if I don’t have any contact with them so I did what many would have done.

I Am Grateful…

…for a lot of things but most of all for the people who walked with me for a while.

I am grateful for past best friends. We walked our separate ways at some point, but we did have a hell lot of fun!

I am grateful for my current best friends, even though they are oceans away and yet so close if we needs be!

I am grateful for the times my oldest daughter and me spend together before she got so angry with me, that she didn’t want me in her life anymore!

I am so so grateful for all the wise words, hugs and eternal love my grandma had for me, there isn’t a day I don’t think of her!

I am grateful for future husband as every time he hugs me it’s a reminder that he is home.

I am grateful for my children, they taught me to love.

And I am grateful for the ability to not take life too serious.

Until the next time…

My Letter To You…

These are my words and thoughts to my oldest daughter who refuses to forgive me.

In her world, I must be the biggest monster walking this earth!

I believe she is hurting so much, that she tries to shut down her feelings to survive in this world.

I once belonged to her world… until I didn’t.

As a parent I should have taken my daughter’s concerns and anger and sadness serious but instead I brushed it off as teenage drama. I should have known better.

I apologised a million times…

And I meant it!

What my daughter doesn’t know is, that we are the exact same!

We are stubborn and we know what we want from life and we don’t lower our expectations ever. We would never settle for second best and we know how to survive in this world.

And to survive sometimes means to lock our feelings away so that nothing can touch us so we can’t fall apart!

Life is tough and seems unfair but there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

I know she will survive and I know I will survive.

I loved her from the first moment she took her first breath and will continue loving her until my last one…

And when she decides to forgive me, I will be there to catch her!

When We Where Still A Trio

Sitting here all on my own I am reminiscing about the time when my two older ones where still little and me raising them on my own.

We where the perfect trio!

Back then many days seemed so difficult. We where rushing through the days and before we knew it, the year was over.

I can remember a time where we didn’t even have a car and needed to get the shopping done. All three of us grabbed a big rucksack and off we went. In the shop we all swarmed out, each with a task just to regroup a few minutes later.

We where a very good trio. We knew what to do and when. There was no one to interfere.

Then I often felt tired with two little children and a job, at some point even two jobs, but do you know what?

We where happy!

There is no trio anymore as they are grown up and do their own thing. One of them (the stubborn as mommy daughter) still not talking to me, the other too absorbed with his own life…

Oh how nice would it be if one could go back in time, just for a while.

Franky