Category: Pregnancy

Am I The Asshole???

So to keep a long story short, I just say it as it is:

My fiancé wanted me to finance him a motorbike, I said “no”!

Which caused a huge argument. One didn’t talk to the other for some hours.

My reason for not wanting to do that was/is quite easy:

I didn’t want us to drown in debt! I still have a big chunk of my credit card to pay back, future husband has to pay things back and I thought we have other priorities anyway like

getting married, having children, moving house, maybe even buying a house once our financial situation has gotten better.

Future husband of course said, I wouldn’t trust him, said at least he knows where he stands with me… well to put it this way:

He acted like a little child who received the answer “no”. He said, if it was the other way around, he wouldn’t have hesitated. The thing is, I wouldn’t even think to put him in such a situation unless he/we would financially well off. Yes, he would be able to pay the monthly rates, but what if something happens, like him getting injured again, things that would prevent him paying? I can’t pay for him even if I wanted to.

To the guys who might read this:

Why is a motorbike so much more important than the things I thought we both wanted??? I thought children and marriage followed by moving house (I still hate it here) was what was important! A motorbike is not a necessity! Like my citizenship which I want so bad. I know I can’t afford it right now (fees are £1400,- +/-) so I have to wait. Easy, right?!

However, eventually I did try to get a loan from my bank. Not because I wanted to, but because I felt pressured to do so. But with my meager wage and that huge credit card bill, of course I was rejected and to be honest, I am glad. I already have tears in my eyes, every time I see my account anyway…

Well guess I can write off the the future plans we had and just keep living trying to make it from one day to the next…

Until next the time

The Missing Bun (ask for password)

The only time, women are happy to feel sick 24/7 is when they are pregnant!

Almost a year ago I had a very early miscarriage. I didn’t even know I was pregnant…

Forward to the year 2021:

A month ago I started to feel queasy all the time and was drinking so much water, I could have drunk it straight from the hose.

My due date for my period came and passed and I was so happy. All the symptoms where there…..

….until the morning I started to heavily bleed…..

And just like that it was over.

It wasn’t the end of the world as I know that is nature sorting things out, that what could have been a baby wasn’t healthy enough to live just yet.

But I was still sad. Sad because I knew what could have been and said because it took us so long to get to this point! Future husband was sad as well, of course he was.

Everyone who has been trying for some time knows where I am coming from.

Every month you hope it happened but no, shark week is on again. SIGH.

And the fact, that according to my age I only have a 5% chance to get pregnant every month, doesn’t help either.

I already consulted the doctors. The next step is the fertility clinic for check ups.

So fingers crossed, legs open and off to another few rounds of lots of fun.

Until the next time