Category: Mood

When Work Is An A-Hole!!!

Some of you might know that I am working in care. When I first started, I really enjoyed it. Now? Not so much!

Why? Oh I can tell you why:

Every few months employees get check-up phone calls from our office. They give us feedback and ask in return our point of view.

So I stated very clearly, that I don’t want to get sent to clients I can’t understand as this is really stressing me out and surely frustrating for clients as well.

So guess what??? I got sent to clients which are speech impaired.

They also admitted in a text message, that when I help them, they help me! How can they so freely admit, that they only help, if they want to?!

Last week I had to change my availability which means, I can’t work evenings anymore and have to finish at 4pm latest. I know when you work in care, one has to be flexible… But I have children in primary which I can’t leave alone.

However when I send my email, they did not even reply, instead drastically shortened my hours for the following week!

That is another thing:

When they are annoyed with you, they don’t answer your emails, instead they put whatever annoys them in our weekly newsletter (without shaming the actual person though)!

Then I got told, that one client has cancelled (that’s fine) and that I get send to client XY without even asking if that is ok (not fine) and when I ask, if they could check if they could forward the visit as between clients was a unpaid 1 1/2 hour gap, the short answer from whoever it was, was “Nope, sorry”. They could have forwarded it, as the client didn’t even expect me. The client thought, the visit was cancelled!

For everyone who considers a career in care, do your research! Carers are underpaid, gaps are also not paid unless you work directly for the council, you only get a low percentage of fuel back and you mostly work alone. I personally think, it is not worth it. If you just want some pocket money, perfect job. If you have to pay bills, run in the opposite direction!

I wished we would live in a world where childcare is free, bosses are understanding, working hours flexible and wages enough to make it through the month!

One can still dream, right???

So I am still on the look out for a new job, but Covid is also a a-hole, so not so easy at the moment.

Until the next time…

My Letter To You…

These are my words and thoughts to my oldest daughter who refuses to forgive me.

In her world, I must be the biggest monster walking this earth!

I believe she is hurting so much, that she tries to shut down her feelings to survive in this world.

I once belonged to her world… until I didn’t.

As a parent I should have taken my daughter’s concerns and anger and sadness serious but instead I brushed it off as teenage drama. I should have known better.

I apologised a million times…

And I meant it!

What my daughter doesn’t know is, that we are the exact same!

We are stubborn and we know what we want from life and we don’t lower our expectations ever. We would never settle for second best and we know how to survive in this world.

And to survive sometimes means to lock our feelings away so that nothing can touch us so we can’t fall apart!

Life is tough and seems unfair but there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

I know she will survive and I know I will survive.

I loved her from the first moment she took her first breath and will continue loving her until my last one…

And when she decides to forgive me, I will be there to catch her!

PayPal Button

I most recently discovered the payment button you can ad to your WordPress blog.

Read and done. Only thing is, how does it work, I wonder? Usually when you send/donate money one would need the PayPal address/email address of the recipient, but when I added the PayPal button, nothing was asked of me.

So just incase it does work and someone wants to send me money for no reason but because one can, it would be highly appreciated!

After all a girl’s Wishlist is endless!

Like:

  • Citizenship
  • Possibly fertility treatment (still no bun, probably just PMS at the moment)
  • Buying a house (yes, I think big here)
  • Lots of things that are not important like the latest Brora fashion (this girl just can’t say “no” to cashmere) or the latest Korean skincare….

And if you can’t/won’t, that’s fine, too. I appreciate you reading my blog!

Until the next time…

Am I The Asshole???

So to keep a long story short, I just say it as it is:

My fiancé wanted me to finance him a motorbike, I said “no”!

Which caused a huge argument. One didn’t talk to the other for some hours.

My reason for not wanting to do that was/is quite easy:

I didn’t want us to drown in debt! I still have a big chunk of my credit card to pay back, future husband has to pay things back and I thought we have other priorities anyway like

getting married, having children, moving house, maybe even buying a house once our financial situation has gotten better.

Future husband of course said, I wouldn’t trust him, said at least he knows where he stands with me… well to put it this way:

He acted like a little child who received the answer “no”. He said, if it was the other way around, he wouldn’t have hesitated. The thing is, I wouldn’t even think to put him in such a situation unless he/we would financially well off. Yes, he would be able to pay the monthly rates, but what if something happens, like him getting injured again, things that would prevent him paying? I can’t pay for him even if I wanted to.

To the guys who might read this:

Why is a motorbike so much more important than the things I thought we both wanted??? I thought children and marriage followed by moving house (I still hate it here) was what was important! A motorbike is not a necessity! Like my citizenship which I want so bad. I know I can’t afford it right now (fees are £1400,- +/-) so I have to wait. Easy, right?!

However, eventually I did try to get a loan from my bank. Not because I wanted to, but because I felt pressured to do so. But with my meager wage and that huge credit card bill, of course I was rejected and to be honest, I am glad. I already have tears in my eyes, every time I see my account anyway…

Well guess I can write off the the future plans we had and just keep living trying to make it from one day to the next…

Until next the time

Me, The Green-Eyed Monster (ask for password)

In more than one situation I found myself as the green-eyed monster. I find that awful but can’t help it.

Every now and again, future husband jokes about things. Things I can’t find funny at all and every time I have to swallow my jealousy! But deep inside I am as green as a cucumber.

For example we where talking about situations when a man/woman ogles someone else in their partners present. And instead of either ignoring my comment or saying that , yes, that is not appropriate, he laughed and said:

“Don’t worry darling, I only do that when you are not there”.

Or little things that annoy me like when the radio is on and there is a female singer and he says:

“Ooooh I like a little bit of XY”.

I know it is silly but at those moments I feel very little, inadequate and not good enough! And I want to knock other women teeth out when they smile a bit too much at my men. Oooh that would really satisfy in those moments. But of course it would take a lot more to loose my shit.

It might just be him making fun or it could be that I am really not enough for him.

I should know, I am the Queen of Flirting!

I did it my whole life but put a stop to it now, because it caused me nothing but trouble in the past.

Now it feels like karma finally bites me in the ass and I don’t like it one bit.

Keep breathing, keep breathing…

Until the next time

Another House, Another Ghost (ask for password)

Two days ago, future husband was in the bathroom and heard a sound coming from our bedroom. A sound you would make when you are dreaming. Or maybe when you have a nightmare. He came in to check on me, but I didn’t say nor did I hear anything as I was half asleep.

Yesterday evening, again, I was half asleep, I woke up, thinking future husband is having a nightmare, so I said “…wake up…”. He looked at me with wide eyes, saying, it wasn’t him. Well it wasn’t me either. But we both heard it! And we both have been awake for quite some time after that, I can tell you!

The idea, that there is a ghost in the house who actually tries to communicate with us (whether it is meant to be nice or not), is a bit scary.

Sure, I had ghosts in houses before, like the little kid ghost who used to run back and forth upstairs, making us think it was my little son, but never anything so close and scary sounding.

I guess, there is not much we can do about it, but I will keep you posted.

Until the next time…

Arguing With Work About Christmas Holidays (ask for password)

So I am currently arguing with work about my holidays during Christmas. I have taken the week after the Christmas weekend off, including the following weekend aka New Years day!

Now my boss says, if I want New Years day off, I have to work on Christmas Day, as stated in my contract. The New Years weekend is my weekend with the children and working on Christmas when one has children is a big NO, NO!!!

So, I replied and explained the above and so far I did not receive an answer yet, but am sure something will come soon.

I mean, come on, it’s Christmas! I have Children! For being a care company, my company is not very compassionate!

I am so fed up with them, but have to stick around as like I said, I have children and employers (in the end) are all the same:

Work your hours or leave.

Big SIGH.

Until the next time…

The Missing Bun (ask for password)

The only time, women are happy to feel sick 24/7 is when they are pregnant!

Almost a year ago I had a very early miscarriage. I didn’t even know I was pregnant…

Forward to the year 2021:

A month ago I started to feel queasy all the time and was drinking so much water, I could have drunk it straight from the hose.

My due date for my period came and passed and I was so happy. All the symptoms where there…..

….until the morning I started to heavily bleed…..

And just like that it was over.

It wasn’t the end of the world as I know that is nature sorting things out, that what could have been a baby wasn’t healthy enough to live just yet.

But I was still sad. Sad because I knew what could have been and said because it took us so long to get to this point! Future husband was sad as well, of course he was.

Everyone who has been trying for some time knows where I am coming from.

Every month you hope it happened but no, shark week is on again. SIGH.

And the fact, that according to my age I only have a 5% chance to get pregnant every month, doesn’t help either.

I already consulted the doctors. The next step is the fertility clinic for check ups.

So fingers crossed, legs open and off to another few rounds of lots of fun.

Until the next time