….. if you are really interested in what I have to say!
Sometimes my posts, are funny, sometimes they are not and sometimes you just shake your head in disbelief.
Even though WordPress is an open internet platform where everyone can have a nosy about everyone and everything, I have chosen to have my blog posts on privat for now.
After all this is a free world, right?!
So this will be the only post which does not require a password, for all following ones, all you need to do is ask!
Until the next time…
A couple of days ago I woke up.
I felt all cozy and happy and at peace.
I dreamt of my grandma. She visited me in my dreams. I can’t remember what the dream was about.
When I awoke, I wanted to fall back asleep. So bad. But it did not happen.
My grandma passed away a couple of years ago, but I am a great believer when it comes to the dead visiting you (in different ways).
Usually it would be on halloween, or in form of a robin. This time it was in my dream.
I like to believe that we had a nice conversation about everything that has been going on in my life recently.
I am sure every now and again she would have started a sentence with
“Oh well child…”, just like she used to do when she wanted to open my eyes about certain things.
When she was still alive, I would call her whenever I felt bad. Or even when I needed advise for random things. Or just to talk. I would always call her…
Nowadays when I feel sad the first thing that comes to my mind is, to call her. Still after so many years. And then realisation hits. I can’t call her. She is not here anymore. She can’t give me advise and reassure me that everything will work out eventually.
But I am very certain, that in my dream she did just that!
She told me I will find my way and that everything will be just like I imagine it will be. And I am sure, she hugged me and held me tight only the way she could.
I am sure she was happy to hear, that I found someone who takes care of me and who protects me so she doesn’t have to worry.
When I woke up I felt loved and save. She came when I needed her the most.
Thank you, Grandma.
I love you.
Until the next time.
19 years I was with my children. When you have children surround you for such a long time you have your routine, you get used to all the demands and constant whinging and fighting, and arguing with each other turns into white noise. You don’t really register it anymore.
Now it is January 2021. I have been separated from the lot since the end of October 2020. My babies are supposed to join me and my other half in summer for good.
Of course I see them if and when I can on a regular basis and we video phone as well.
But that is not enough! I miss them. I miss not knowing what they are doing. I miss not hearing their voices somewhere in the house. I miss throwing them out of the kitchen for the 1000s time in search of food (they are like caterpillars, I swear!).
Today their teacher phoned me up to check how they get on with online learning. I could not answer that as they are at their dad’s house! Do you know how that makes me feel??? Not good! It feels like I am not involved anymore despite reminding them of homework or telling them that there is educational tv on BBC now…
Physically I am not there. I am not there to talk to them. I can’t hold them and kiss them and hug them and tell them the next day will be better or tell one of them that she doesn’t hate her little brother.
I miss them from the second I wake up until I fall back asleep and if I could remember dreams, I am sure that I miss them even then!
I try my best to not let this affect me too much, but it is tough.
Can’t it be summer next month???
With a laughing eye and a crying eye I deleted all my former posts with all contents. They all moved to the trash/bin folder.
I wasn’t sure if I should really do it as I put so much effort thought into the things I posted, especially my poems and of course I love to see comments. Oh the comments. They are appreciated and they tell me, that I am not alone in this, whatever “this” is.
But with starting something old as new I will give you, my beloved readers, more gossip, more laughs (hopefully) and more drama!
The last year hasn’t been the best for several reasons but brought me love I never knew before.
And like many women who are in need of a new start, I felt that I needed to do this.
Usually it would be a drastic new haircut, but hey…. newsflash, we are in national lock-down- again! Everything is closed!
This is how far I came from September 2020:
- Moved house and in with my lovely man
- I found a new job which I can’t really enjoy as it pays next to nothing
- I separated all types of accounts from my past and even tried to remember with my Dory-Brain to change my postal address for I don’t know how many websites (still haven’t figured out why my Paypal account is not directly linked to eBay anymore)
As you might have noticed, I have given my blog a new name and a slightly new layout/colours. The only thing I was not able to change was my domain name/address/url address. I followed so many suggestions from google and from WordPress itself like, go into settings/general… change your url… only…… it does not give me the option. When I tried it in other ways it wanted to charge me £15 per year. I am very certain, that I am having a blond moment here… but I just can’t make any sense nor figure it out.
And that is how I feel when it comes to the not figuring it out bit:
Let’s just hope this year will be better than the last!