Month: May 2022

Can’t Have It All… Can’t Have Anything At All!

I was so certain that this year will be my year. I was looking forward to three major things:

  • Getting pregnant! BUT, we need help from the doc. In order to get help from the doc you need an appointment and almost a month later, we are still waiting. And even if/when we finally get seen, IVF is expensive. Who can shake up thousands of £££ for fertility treatment?!
  • Getting married! We wanted to get married on the day we got together. Romantic and more importantly easy to remember. But there are so many others wanting to get married, because they couldn’t due to Covid and lock-downs. So future husband suggested to get married on our day next year, only that the day falls on a Saturday and Saturdays are apparently the unluckiest days to get married. And yes, I am superstitious. This time I want my happily ever after! I want this to work, I want to put all the effort and love it needs into this relationship. But now I don’t know at all when we are getting married…
  • Moving house! And moving house is just as important as the two other ones mentioned above. Moving house will be my life saver as I am so, so, so unhappy where I live! Everyday I feel myself slipping a bit further down the rabbit hole. But again, rentals are expansive and house prices extortionate. There are a few houses I bookmarked. All I need to do is win the lottery…or wait for a miracle…

So as you can see, nothing really is working out.

Patience is a virtue, right?!

Until the next time…

Baby Boom- You Are So Lucky

Since future husband and me where given the news, that the chances are next to zero for me to get pregnant naturally, my view has changed.

When we didn’t know that I couldn’t get pregnant the natural, easy peasy fun and hot way, I would always say “of course she is pregnant” when someone on social media would announce their happy news.

However now every time I see something like that or when I see mothers with their little flock of “ducklings” my first thought is:

“You are so lucky!” And they indeed are and I envy them!

I know it sounds a bit like I have given up and maybe I did.

We are waiting for an appointment at the fertility unit… and there is the first hack: We are not the only ones. It can take weeks, many weeks to get one, probably followed by another few weeks waiting for further tests. Tests we have to pay ourselves I might add. And money is tight nowadays.

And waiting patiently is not really my strong side. I will be 43 years old this month, there is not much time left for me, never mind patience.

The next hack could be to get told that there is no chance for me to get pregnant. And that’s it: I don’t want to put my life on hold hoping for something that might not happen.

I’d like to keep myself preoccupied with running, but running where I live?! Country roads is what I face here. I am not a road runner, I am a trail and mountain runner and due to work and family commitments I can’t just get in the car before work (not enough time) or after work (my children).

You feel my dilemma?!

Well where I come from is a funny saying:

“Keep your ears stiff!”

Which means “stay strong!”

So I guess that’s what I will do, I’ll keep my ears stiff and hope for the best!

Until the next time…

Why I Say “Yes” Instead Of “No”

At least once per week, I have a conversation with future husband about me not sticking to what I say to my children.

The thing is, parents say “no” more often than its actually necessary!

When I grew up, all I heard from my mother was “no”. All. The. Time.

If someone would have given me the chance to choose where to live, let me tell you, it wouldn’t have been my parents house!

There was no love and affection. Fair enough, we had our moments where I thought that they do love me after all, but that was always crushed fairly shortly.

So to me it is not a big deal to say yes, instead of no. I shower my children with love and affection and tell them how beautiful they are and that I love them and I cuddle with them and take them out to do things…

All the things my parents never did.

Very often I feel bad because I can’t buy them things that are costly or that they have to share a room, but I am sure when they are grown up one day, they won’t mind. What they (hopefully) will remember is the love and support they had and continue to have until I stop breathing!

A “yes” doesn’t hurt anyone, right?!

Until the next time…