Shocked, Disgusted & Thoughtful

Recently I was talking with a co-worker. We where talking about our families and our (my) current living arrangements.

When I told her, that I left the house to my ex she ice cold said:

“I would have not done that. You have given up a career for the children. He should sell the house and give you half of the money as you earned it, you are entitled to it!”

Excuse me?!

I very consciously decided to bring life into this world. I wanted these children. And I was lucky enough that my ex earned enough so that I could stay at home and get to spend precious time with them and raise them.

I, decided to stay at home and not work!

My ex has been paying the mortgage and will continue to do so. So why, when I don’t contribute to it, am I entitled to the house and the money?

Only because I gave birth to his children? That is just ridiculous!

Why are people still so materialistic? Money does not make you happy!

This co-worker will definitely not become a friend of mine, I can tell you that!

Franky

She Visited Me- In my Dreams

A couple of days ago I woke up.

I felt all cozy and happy and at peace.

I dreamt of my grandma. She visited me in my dreams. I can’t remember what the dream was about.

When I awoke, I wanted to fall back asleep. So bad. But it did not happen.

My grandma passed away a couple of years ago, but I am a great believer when it comes to the dead visiting you (in different ways).

Usually it would be on halloween, or in form of a robin. This time it was in my dream.

I like to believe that we had a nice conversation about everything that has been going on in my life recently.

I am sure every now and again she would have started a sentence with

“Oh well child…”, just like she used to do when she wanted to open my eyes about certain things.

When she was still alive, I would call her whenever I felt bad. Or even when I needed advise for random things. Or just to talk. I would always call her…

Nowadays when I feel sad the first thing that comes to my mind is, to call her. Still after so many years. And then realisation hits. I can’t call her. She is not here anymore. She can’t give me advise and reassure me that everything will work out eventually.

But I am very certain, that in my dream she did just that!

She told me I will find my way and that everything will be just like I imagine it will be. And I am sure, she hugged me and held me tight only the way she could.

I am sure she was happy to hear, that I found someone who takes care of me and who protects me so she doesn’t have to worry.

When I woke up I felt loved and save. She came when I needed her the most.

Thank you, Grandma.

I love you.

Always!

Until the next time.

Franky

Rewarding Job?!?

I work in care. Before I started my new job I heard everywhere “how rewarding” this job is. It was mentioned in the job description, in videos and on the job interview.

Come on, people! I am sorry, but this is just and sounds, so ridiculous! “Rewarding”.

Lets face the reality of this job:

When you have to wash clients and wipe their backside, change their stoma bags (for those of you who don’t know what this is: it is a bag glued to your front full of poop!), put cream on bits you rather would not touch and let them call you names, not to mention that some try to bite and hit you, THAT IS NOT “REWARDING”!

This is a fairly easy job. You help them through the day in every aspect, wether it is personal care, going shopping or spending time with them. If they need medication, you medicate them. The only thing you need to have is patience, compassion and a thick skin.

That is basically it!

People don’t do this job because it is rewarding, they do it because they get paid to do it!

And to those who do this job:

You don’t get paid enough, I don’t get paid enough. We are modern slaves! My bank account is permanently overdrawn. At least once per week I get to sit for up to two hours in my car (unpaid) to wait for my next client. Time between clients are not paid which means, I could be out for 10 hours but only get paid 7!

There are no better paid jobs at the moment, Covid is still residing in good old Scotland. . .

What can one do???

Franky

When Your Heart Dies A Little Bit

19 years I was with my children. When you have children surround you for such a long time you have your routine, you get used to all the demands and constant whinging and fighting, and arguing with each other turns into white noise. You don’t really register it anymore.

Now it is January 2021. I have been separated from the lot since the end of October 2020. My babies are supposed to join me and my other half in summer for good.

Of course I see them if and when I can on a regular basis and we video phone as well.

But that is not enough! I miss them. I miss not knowing what they are doing. I miss not hearing their voices somewhere in the house. I miss throwing them out of the kitchen for the 1000s time in search of food (they are like caterpillars, I swear!).

Today their teacher phoned me up to check how they get on with online learning. I could not answer that as they are at their dad’s house! Do you know how that makes me feel??? Not good! It feels like I am not involved anymore despite reminding them of homework or telling them that there is educational tv on BBC now…

Physically I am not there. I am not there to talk to them. I can’t hold them and kiss them and hug them and tell them the next day will be better or tell one of them that she doesn’t hate her little brother.

I miss them from the second I wake up until I fall back asleep and if I could remember dreams, I am sure that I miss them even then!

I try my best to not let this affect me too much, but it is tough.

Can’t it be summer next month???

Franky

This Lock-Down Is Really Annoying Me

Last lock-down was great! I was furloughed and paid for being lazy at home! I got to spend valuable time with my children and exercise as much and when I wanted not to mention binge watching Netflix and reading book after book after book.

The last lock-down was March 2020 and I was living in a nice area with mountains and waterfalls…

This lock-down however is very different.

I am a key worker, I have to work. That is fine.

But I live in an area I do not like at all… which makes me really unhappy!

For days I was moaning and complaining that there is everywhere snow but here in my area! Last week I got to enjoy one day running in snow (and falling as as well, that came for free).

Today I wake up to lots of snow! My heart nearly jumped out of my chest. So in my running gear I jumped, grabbed the dog and in the car. But… BUT…(big dramatic sigh) the roads where so bad, I had to be very careful. To make matters worse, I couldn’t even park where I wanted to go running (no bitching, please, I stayed local). The snow was too high for my little cute Mini Countryman, so we returned home.

And that is the thing:

I hate that I have to drive (even if it is for only 5 minutes) to hit some nice trails.

And the babies?! They are at their dad’s house of course, enjoying snow in their garden, without me.

No, this time I certainly don’t enjoy the lock-down.

Franky

When We Where Still A Trio

Sitting here all on my own I am reminiscing about the time when my two older ones where still little and me raising them on my own.

We where the perfect trio!

Back then many days seemed so difficult. We where rushing through the days and before we knew it, the year was over.

I can remember a time where we didn’t even have a car and needed to get the shopping done. All three of us grabbed a big rucksack and off we went. In the shop we all swarmed out, each with a task just to regroup a few minutes later.

We where a very good trio. We knew what to do and when. There was no one to interfere.

Then I often felt tired with two little children and a job, at some point even two jobs, but do you know what?

We where happy!

There is no trio anymore as they are grown up and do their own thing. One of them (the stubborn as mommy daughter) still not talking to me, the other too absorbed with his own life…

Oh how nice would it be if one could go back in time, just for a while.

Franky

A New Year, A New Start, A New Site

With a laughing eye and a crying eye I deleted all my former posts with all contents. They all moved to the trash/bin folder.

I wasn’t sure if I should really do it as I put so much effort thought into the things I posted, especially my poems and of course I love to see comments. Oh the comments. They are appreciated and they tell me, that I am not alone in this, whatever “this” is.

But with starting something old as new I will give you, my beloved readers, more gossip, more laughs (hopefully) and more drama!

The last year hasn’t been the best for several reasons but brought me love I never knew before.

And like many women who are in need of a new start, I felt that I needed to do this.

Usually it would be a drastic new haircut, but hey…. newsflash, we are in national lock-down- again! Everything is closed!

This is how far I came from September 2020:

  • Moved house and in with my lovely man
  • I found a new job which I can’t really enjoy as it pays next to nothing
  • I separated all types of accounts from my past and even tried to remember with my Dory-Brain to change my postal address for I don’t know how many websites (still haven’t figured out why my Paypal account is not directly linked to eBay anymore)

As you might have noticed, I have given my blog a new name and a slightly new layout/colours. The only thing I was not able to change was my domain name/address/url address. I followed so many suggestions from google and from WordPress itself like, go into settings/general… change your url… only…… it does not give me the option. When I tried it in other ways it wanted to charge me £15 per year. I am very certain, that I am having a blond moment here… but I just can’t make any sense nor figure it out.

And that is how I feel when it comes to the not figuring it out bit:

Let’s just hope this year will be better than the last!

Franky